Can Purell be used as lube?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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