Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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