Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My penis needs a shock collar
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
