I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
