when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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