May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
