Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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