Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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