dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
