i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
