So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
