After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
