And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
