We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
