your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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