I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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