I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
