He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
