Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She even gives head with a lisp.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
