I wish I only lived at night.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
