I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
