im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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