BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
its liver damage thursday
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
