So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
