i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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