Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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