I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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