I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
