Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
