I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
