You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
