I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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