wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I need water and some morals
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
