Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
