We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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