I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
