I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
