This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
