The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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