this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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