if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
