i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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