Your face is a jimmy john
you would pick up someone in the library
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
