Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
