I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
