i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
