I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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