He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
