We won't sleep together?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
