Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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