I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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